89 Miles to Go....

The other morning I had a brief conversation that left me contemplating our judgmental society.  I made the comment: 

 "we are all captives of our bodies thanks to the world we live in, but our true contentment in life lies with our faith . But it doesn't really help in the fleeting moments of self doubt."

It was a conversation about how we feel so bad about ourselves at times, particularly when we see ourselves in pictures, smiling on the outside, yet unhappy with the "outside" on the "inside". I struggle with this perception every day. I often feel like a captive in my own body, prisoner to my size, my complexion, my hair cut and color, the clothes I wear.... All because of the world we live in is so darn judgmental! But who are we judging against? What does perfection look like?  

This all led me to google a t-shirt I saw in Disneyland recently. It said "Don't judge me by my size" and it was referring to the height requirement to ride certain rides. It made me laugh because I am definitely vertically challenged! Instead of finding that particular shirt, I found a few others that made me think as well.

Yes, ignorance is a huge factor in being judgmental.  We all know the saying "not until you've walked a mile in their shoes", but how often do we live that?  Judge, judge, judge.  Whether you do it consciously or don't even realize you are doing it, there is no doubt in my mind all people judge at some point due to our ignorance.

Yup, don't cast a stone unless you can pull the plank out of your own eye.  This is so what bullying stems from even, and adults do it too, it's not just a teenage epidemic.  A sermon I recently sat through talked about placing our own "restrictions" for sin onto others.  For example, drinking may totally not be ok for you, but don't judge me for having a glass of wine.  You know?  I know I'm not perfect, and you know you are not perfect, so why judge each other?

So true.  At Disneyland I overheard a group of teenager chatting about the "hard stuff" in life.  One made a comment that made me sick to my stomach.  "Yeah," she said, "like, you have nothing hard in your life to complain about unless your parents have been divorced.  Ugh."  Really?  Is that the one journey that makes life hard?  From a "broken" family myself, I disagree.  My path may have been hard for me, but there is no doubt in my mind that other "kids" had hard times as well, maybe even worse, with parents who were together.  It may not have even had anything to do with their family!  There is a lot of tragedy and "hardness" in this life, and we should never think just because someone looks like they have-it-good, that life is easy for them.  And every situation is dealt with differently by every person who goes through it.  For example, I had a close friend pass away in high school.  Some who know him grieved quickly, some took a long time.  Some grieved quietly while others cried out.  I, personally, let it destroy my outlook for a long time and internalized my grief.  Does that mean it was harder on me?  No, just a different path, a different journey.  

I love this.  I always tell my kids that God created us different because if we were all the same life would be BORING!  It is so true.  We all know we are not perfect, but we truly are all awesomely created by God.  Own it, live it, let it shine.

Had to add this one because of my 100 mile August challenge.  Do you guys remember the "hot marathon running guy" that took over the web a few years ago?  He was at like, mile 20 with a huge smile on his face?  Definitely not me.  Just because I may not run "pretty" does not mean I'm not getting the job done!  Yahoo!

So basically the point of this blog post is not to take yourself so seriously, not to judge others, and by all means try your hardest not to judge yourself!  We are our own worst critic.  Don't cloud great experiences by worrying so much about what is on the outside.   I hate to get my photo taken and a friend once told me I would regret not taking photos WITH my kids one day.  So now I try harder to be in front of the lens more often.  I may not love the final image, but I try not to let my self judgment cloud those awesome memories with the kids.

95.72 Miles to Go.....

Treadmill final this morning, one of my favorite pics from high school I recently found, my oldest and I last fall, my husband and I the Fall before we got married (my inspiration pic for weight loss), and me last summer.  Pictures I love and loathe for many reasons!

A life without challenges would be, well, nice right?  WRONG!  John 1:2-4 says "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  Lets face it, without challenges we wouldn't have the opportunity to grow, not only in faith, but in strength among many other facets of growth in our lives.

It is the first day of August, and this year has already been full of challenges for me and many around me.  The biggest life challenge we have faced this year is the passing on of my mother, who I wrote about in a previous post.  Honestly, it has been the biggest challenge of my life.  I feel like I am failing in the grieving process because I can't seem to get her out of my thoughts, my dreams, my day to day happenings.  I used to call her multiple times a day to tell her about everything from the mundane to the troubles I faced.  So it seems, specially when big things happen, I am at a loss.  But I know, for sure, that this process that I'm facing is teaching me things.  Like to rely on others in my life more, especially my husband.  It is teaching me to also rely on God more, and turn to him with all of life's events and troubles.   I know HE wants me to come to him first when I am excited, when I am sad, and every other emotion I am dealing with.  It is a hard lesson, one as I said I am struggling with and feel like I am failing, but I have faith that eventually it will all work out.  Not that missing my mom will ever completely go away, but I will grow and learn how to deal with my grief in a more positive way.

I set our in July with a big challenge.  I entered a challenge actually.  I paid MONEY to lose weight.  I thought it would motivate me, encourage me, etc.  It did for sure.  It was a great challenge to participate in, but I'm afraid I'm going to fail this one.  With the challenge check-out date quickly approaching, I have yet to shed a pound!  Not that I haven't tried, I just haven't been as committed as I should be I guess.  Sure, I am now, with the thought of losing $20 hanging over my head and all the stuff I could do with the $20!  So I have been working out one to two times a day and watching every morsel of food go into my mouth, without being obsessed of course, because I then kill the effort with a glass of wine in the evening!  See, not totally committed!  Yikes!  If I fail this one, and I'll let you know in a few days if I do, I will do it with my head held high, because it has made me more determined.  Not to "lose weight" per say, but to complete a challenge successfully (along with the side effect of possibly getting healthy).

So the August Challenge is to run 100 miles in 30 days.  What?  Seriously?  Sounds crazy when that actually equals 3.3 MILES A DAY!  Who in their right mind runs EVERY DAY?????  Well, lots of people I know actually, and they enjoy it, they love it, they live for it!  But me?  Sure, I've run my share of 5ks, 10ks, and even a small handful of half-marathons, but I haven't done anything like that in a LONG TIME.  Yet, I really want to do this.  And I want to be held accountable to doing this, so that is why I am going to try to blog it.  Whether or not anyone actually reads what I write, at least I will have an account of my effort to try to *FINALLY* succeed at a challenge.  Hey, maybe I'll even get a little "better" if not faster at this running thing.  Check out today's stats; slow and steady wins the race!

Today's Stats: 4.28 miles in 63 min.  95.72 miles to go.

Mother

What a long month this has been  I started out at the Great Wolf Lodge with some awesome friends, and ended the month stuck in Knoxville, Tennessee at an airport hotel nervous I wouldn't make it home for an important day in my 7-year-olds life.  I did end up making it home, and my second-grader shined during her special night.  When January started, as I chatted with my mom about the fun we were having in Washington, I never imagined I would end the month without her, unable to chat about life's mundane happenings.  Yes, 2 weeks ago I lost my mom.  She passed away suddenly of heart disease.  I miss desperately the phone calls we shared daily, as she lived on the other side of the country.  Yesterday, driving to the store, I blasted the radio to take my mind off of the fact that I almost always called her in the car while driving to the store, just to say hi, just to see how life was going that day.  We would talk about the littlest things in life, and I loved it.  I hated that my mother was so far away physically, but I loved that technology allowed me the opportunity to chat with her almost whenever I wanted.  Our conversations were rarely exciting, but they kept me afloat.  If I was having a bad day, a chat with her could make all things seem better.  Now, well, that part of my life is gone.
I know God has great plans for us; I know his plans are much greater than my own.  I pray daily that those plans will be revealed, and that we will learn from life's hard times. 
My mother understood me as a child.  By the time I was in 3rd grade and the teacher was concerned that I was obsessed with death due to my poetry, my mother was not worried.  We had seen so much as a family already including the deaths  of family members we held so close.  She was not worried because my poetry was not about the sadness of losing someone.  In my childlike innocence I wrote a poem about the lessons God will teach each of us after we get relief from the grief.  At all of 7, maybe 8 years old, I wrote of the power of God to teach us from our difficulties.  And my mom had that poem on our fridge year after year, move after move, after move.  Not only as a reminder of me, but as a reminder that God does not make mistakes.  There are reasons; there are lessons.

As Jesus spoke in parables, let my mother's passing be a story for you to remember.  Let her life remind you of God's strength and love for his children.  My mother never wanted sympathy for any struggle she endured.  No, she wanted neither sympathy nor empathy.  She did not want anyone to feel sorry for her  nor feel the pain he felt at times.  Instead, she would want people to feel the peace she felt as she handed those burdens to God.  As he lifted them from her shoulders and calmed her spirit.

There are too many cherished memories that I could share right now.  A treasure trove of moments that I pray will forever be imprinted on my heart.  I learned so much from my mother.  To stop and "breathe", to take time to savor every moment.  To let go and let God.  That it is ok to question even my faith because through questions we find answers.

I could go on and on and on here, but want to make sure you know that no matter how brief a time you had with my mother, if you knew her, she loved you deeply.  Her love and the abundance of it will always be with it. 

I love you mommy,
Love,
Your Baby Girl

Protein Bar Recipe

Vanilla Oat and Flax Protein Bars

3 cups gluten free quick oats
1/2 cup freshly ground flaxseeds
1 packets of stevia
3 egg whites, beaten
1 cups applesauce, unsweetened

1-1/2 cups pitted prunes
5 scoops protein powder (any flavor) I used vanilla
1/4 natural almond butter
1 tsp baking powder
flavor - vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg all spice (I used pumpkin pie spice and a little vanilla.  A little goes a long way!)

 

1.    Pre-heat oven to  325 degrees.

2.    Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl (oats, flax, baking powder, protein powder, spices)

3.    Blend together well the rest of the ingredients in a high powered blender (stevia, egg whites, applesauce, pitted prunes, almond butter).

4.    Mix wet ingredients into dry ingredients.

5.    Spray a large glass dish (size depends on how thick you want them.  Thicker takes longer to cook).  You could also put on a prepared (sprayed) cookie sheet for thinner bars.

6.    Pour bar mixture into glass dish or pan.

7.    Cook for 15-20 minutes depending on thickness.  Try not to over bake!

8.    Cut into 12-16 bars.  I cut into 16 bars and they were perfect as a snack or after workout protein/carb source.

Variations: Add berries to the mixture for more flavors.  Sprinkle with organic shredded coconut before baking.  Sprinkle lightly with very dark chocolate chips for a treat!

~Recipe adapted from a recipe I found on Spark People http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=929614

Time to blog...

It is officially time to dust off the old blog, start anew, and blog my way to health!  I am training for a half marathon with one major goal: lose weight.  One minor goal, however, sticks in the back of my brain.... finish closer to my first half marathon time!  My first half marathon was around 2 hours 34 minutes.  My last was a little over 3 hours.  Ugh!  What is slowing me down?  Weight!  Thankfully, in the year since my last half, I have lost a little over 10 pounds.  I still have a long way to go though! 

I know it's not all about weight, it is about health too.  I currently take medication for high blood pressure, and I would love to get that lowered or even get off of that pill.  I hate taking medication, specially for something I know is partly my fault; letting myself get unhealthy.  I could play the blame game; house to take care of, kids, work, etc.  That does NOT help though, it only gives me excuses.  And in reality, there are no excuses for not taking care of yourself.  I rock Jillian Michael's 30 day shed on occasion and she mentions those that are on the Biggest Loser as able to do a full set of jumping jacks, so I definitely should be able to as well. No Excuses! I wish I had Jillian to push me daily!  Wait, I can, I just have to make time for it... the elusive time of a working mom...  NO EXCUSES!

So, where am I in my journey?  What steps am I taking?  Let me share!  I am two weeks into a 90 day ViSalus Challenge.  Visalus is an awesome tasting protein powder.  The company promotes healthy and weight loss through their challenges.  I have lost 4 pounds!  I am also, like I said before, training for a half marathon.  Signing up for a race forces me to stay on track, so I can't slack off and say I'll just walk it.  I have goals man!

Here are some pictures from last year's Rock and Roll Portland half marathon.  I am in the pink on the lower right, wearing the visor in the rest of the photos.  Anyways, I was 10 pounds heavier last year.  I am going to hopefully update this blog regularly with my journey.  Also, I come up with some fun recipes that are gluten free, as I have a sensitivity.  So stay tuned and follow me!

The race is not to the swift...

Ecclesiastes 9:11
I have seen something else under the sun:

The race is not to the swift

or the battle to the strong,

nor does food come to the wise

or wealth to the brilliant

or favor to the learned;

but time and chance happen to them all.

I was looking up verses having to do with the "race" due to a desire to inspire myself back into running. I came upon this verse and decided it is the inspiration I need. So often in life I wonder why things happen. I ask all the wrong questions; like, "What did I do to deserve this?" Or, "Why do bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad?" This verse answers all those questions for me. "time and chance happen to them all." I know God is in control, but I have to let it all go and realize that I won't always win, nor will I always be last in the race to the finish. And it doesn't really matter, because across the finish line if the same goal for us all if we choose to believe. That is, a solid relationship with Christ, and eventually everlasting freedom for the soul in Heaven.

About a year ago I had the phrase "Fluid Life" come to me. At first I was thinking in terms of photography. That life through the lense is fluid, ever changing, never constant. Then I realized that the phrase haunted me because my life has never been constant, yet completely fluid. Like the everchanging waterways, my life has flowed through different bends, twists, and turns not only daily, but hourly. Even in the blink of an eye, I know my life can change. I used to be scared of this; constantly on the watch for something to go wrong, for the calm to turn to rapids. And often it did. Specifically when I felt so comfortable in how my life was going, something would turn it upside down. Now I'm not so scared, because I know that through trials I gain strengh, and through success I am humbled before my Lord and Savior.

I have never been good at keeping up a blog, so there are no garauntees this one will take off. But I do know that sometimes I feel need to voice my ideas and opinions, and this might be a good starting place. I am aware not everyone will agree with me, but that is what is so wonderful about being free to be open, as much as I am comfortable with. You, nor anyone, has to read my blog if you don't want to, but it is here if you do. If you have gotten this far through my first post, thank you for sticking around!